Our Cartoon Government

The right-wing Bow Group Think Tank found that the average age of a conservative party member was 72 . This claim was ridiculed by the Conservative Party who claimed that it was actually close to 57. Perhaps there was a data entry error in that final number. But the fact is, we don’t know exactly because the Conservative Party keep membership numbers written on vellum in a closely guarded basement at GCHQ…..sorry, CCHQ.

I do admit to find it hard to believe that a collection of septuagenarian Conservative Party members ( is there a collective noun for them? Something akin to a knob of Widgeons? Or a chain of Bobolinks? Or perhaps a mutation of Thrushes? ) could possibly elect a man called Boris as party leader.

I can imagine that trip of Dotterels worrying themselves over a parcel of Ruskies taking over the parliament of Eejits. ( I spent some hilarious minutes on google coming up with those nuggets of doggerel ) until they found out that he was an American Turk of German descent who hated all Johnny Foreigners. Odd since his Great Grandfather’s name is Osman Ali Wilfred Kamal.

Never mind that he was educated in Brussels, he also attended a mysterious farmhouse school in East Sussex before moving onto Eton and then Oxford ( where his animal husbandry lessons were matched only by David Cameron ) and the savage was beaten out of him . To those that voted for him he must have seemed like a pillar of the English ubermensch quintessentially Germanic establishment, albeit with an Ottoman Dori Pouf thrown in.

Duly elected as Prime Minister by this skulk of silver foxes, stepped our bold Generalfielmarschall and made quick work of appointing his Generalleutenants. That murder of Crows which has taken over our democracy and our country with the stated aim of gratuitous largesse to the wild colonial boys.

All humour and clever ‘google’ similes aside, this man poses the greatest threat to democracy our country has ever been under. Supreme Court rulings? They are wrong and he is right. Parliament? Well, just prorogue it. Even the DUP still stuck in the year 1690, has sussed him out. Ken Clarke, a bastion of the Conservative party values sees fit to call the man a ‘monster’.

The last 10 year has witnessed the UK slip down the league tables on every known measure of civil society from child poverty to freedom of the press and the good people of England have, enchanted by dreams of past glory, have allowed the country to descend into this miasma.

The English ‘Royal Family’ of the Saxe-Coburg and Gotha lineage were forced to change their name to Windsor in 1917 in the hope that no one in the country would realise that they were, in fact, kissing cousins (literally) with the ‘Hun’. Fast forward 20 years and we have the ‘Royal’ family giving Nazi salutes. 2005 sees Prince Charming, Harry make a ‘gaffe’ sporting an Italian designed SS uniform at a little get together. Perhaps that was after his week in rehab after cooling down, naked in a Las Vegas pool before shredding the flanks of a poor horse with his cowboy spurs.

I have never gotten my head round this ingratiating, supplication and deference to such an ignoble, inbred, fatuous congregation of tax dodging filth as the Windsors.

Thursday the 12th of December 2019 is the death knell for the United Kingdom. Ireland will finally be united. Scotland will become a republic. England? They think it’s all over. It is now!

In the immortal sketch by Monty Python:

‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

So where are the bloody cartoons I hear you say?

Let’s get Brexit done
As i said to the Queen..
I don’t……
give a …..

Now, Rees-Mogg, despite looking like a cross between a love child of Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula and an Edwardian Zombie Actuary ( what a menage a trois that must have been! ) is very difficult to find a character to lampoon. One of his most striking features is his large, ill-fitting suits. Here goes:

2 pin plug style
Suits you Sir!
That’s my boy!
Oh crumbs!

Top of the range…
Can it be delivered by Xmas, sir?

Well, that’s enough of that for one night!

Write your own caption for this one. Humorous please. But nothing which would offend a lady.

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